Opportunity and Change

It’s been a long while…

(subtitle: “How I spent my summer vacation” and “What I did this semester”)

(warning: this is a long read, you may want to go directly to the lessons page)

Part 1

As most of you know, I’ve been studying in college for more than five years. Most of my batchmates (anyone who entered college in 2003) are already working, and some already have families. Somehow, those facts compelled me to at least try and find a summer job. After some misadventures, I found myself checking papers and policing high schoolers in a “famous” tutorial center.

I transformed once again into “Sir Benj”, though with a slightly higher salary (2x, where x = a UP SA’s rate). For the most part, I just check, arrange, and cut papers. Almost daily, I orient and evaluate new lecturers (almost everyone) about the class’ profile. On certain days, the higher-ups would tell me to call the parents for various reasons, hoping that my voice will be enought to make them feel that they get what they paid for.

It was a new experience for me to take four modes of travel every morning and evening (bipedal, jeep, bus, MRT). To make things challenging, I decreased my allowance to force me to use what I earn for my daily needs (the words inexpensive lunch and Greenhills have little intersection)

Lessons:

• My very high saving rate will not work unless I work near my home
• In a job, benefits are important

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Part 2

Mishaps with the curriculum hit me hard when I realized that my DOST scholarship cannot be coupled with just 6 units, resulting in a sort of technical suspension. As such, I had to find some sort of “pag-aabalahan” for the semester.The list includes:

Travian

The decline in my units was countered by the sudden increase of time required to play the browser game travian, with my villages in two accounts being razed to the ground as I sleep.I eventually deleted my accounts as it started to consume too much time and electricity.

RA

I was offered a job as a review assistant still, in their new saturday class (19 sessions = 5 months). At one point, almost everything I earned went to my lunch and fares. Thank God for my boss who somehow logged in my excess hours whenever I went early and got off late. I managed to finish handling three sections, and most likely, I won’t handle another one again.

Tutor

Despite my failed preliminary demo teaching, they managed to convince me to try my skills at tutoring (where salary =4x). I was asked to do elementary and high school subjects (from algebra and physics to history and music 0_o). For more than a week, I was teaching almost daily from 4-8pm, sometime even earlier. Factor in the commuting time, and that would mean I spent a lot more time in the center that at school.

After the students’ quarterly examinations, the center summoned me less often. I suffered from successive cases of disappearing students, who magically become sick at times when I am already on my way to teach them. Eventually, I felt like I was wasting my time, and asked the staff not to summon me unless I get enough committed students.

Sensory Training Stints

I was asked to help out as a driver, lab assistant and all-rounder for two of my teachers who do trainings for a certain 30-year old fastfood chain (rate =1.4x ). At first it was lonely, doing repetitive work alone in the lab. I just convinced myself that this job is a relevant experience to my course. True enough, the perks (food!) were more than enough to convince me.

The usuals

A relationship, church, household duties, academics, and whatever errands I get.

The unusuals

For the first time in ten semesters, I did not renew in SVCF. For a change, I tried busying myself with other stuff, having a glimpse of what it would be like to work and not have a parachurch fellowship.

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Lessons

For the past year, life has become a seemingly endless chain of changing circumstances. By change, I mean major changes, not like how an 18-unit schedule remaps every semester.

I realized that I still tend to blame circumstances for how I respond to them. I do not seem to be intrinsic enough cause change rather than be changed. That means I cannot survive spiritually in places where circumstances change drastically (like in an unreached mission field where fellowships are rare).

I remember one lesson we had in compass reading. The lecturer told us never to make a potentially mobile object a landmark. “three hundred meters mula sa kalabaw” or “sa likod ng kotse” are examples of frail landmarks.

Circumstances are like frail landmarks, it’s pointless to base your life on things that change. Let your life be based on something immovable, like our God, who is a Mighty Fortress. The bottom line? Seek daily strengthening from God. Asses your circumstances, but don’t build your life around them. Don’t forget what God has commanded you to do.

*ang hirap pala mag summarize ng mahigit walong buwan…

//initiating bullet mode//

Bullets of grace and mercy (undeserved favor, withdrawal of deserved punishment)

• All of my classes (7:30am-7pm, no breaks) today went full blast, but i was still able to eat three decent meals
• I didn’t get to spend time with God this morning, but He used my short stay in SVCF’s missions big Fellowship to talk to me
• We get free dinuguan for dinner from lolo’s family
• Don’t have to study chapter 3 of accounting
• I made it through this long day of constant movement and i don’t feel half-dead yet ^_^
• we’ll watch Steven Curtis Chapman tomorrow
• I’ve been able to share my faith constantly even if my spiritual condition is fluctuating
• I was barely able to escape being held up the other day
• People who include me in their prayers

Gustatory Overdose, Olfactory Overload

• I think i was the only one who swallowed the aqueous solution samples from the sensory experiment
• On the average, that’s 900mg each of sugar, salt, citric acid, and caffeine in 60 mL each of water
• 900mg of citric acid is roughly 2 ascorbic acid tablets or 9 cetrinets mixed in about 1/4 cup of water
• 900 mg of caffein is approximately equal to 16 cups of instant coffee or 26 cans of coke, whith the bitter taste concentrated in 1/4 cup of water
• After that, my heart was pulsating ang my had was shaking to the point that i can’t get my signature right… (adik…)
• I still don’t feel sleepy (duh!)
• I took "bunny sniffs" from 10 random samples of odorants (super adik, rugby na lang ata kulang, certified na…)

Bulaga!

• Our money problems are carrying over to my parent’s marriage
• Class reports are starting pile up
• Responsibilities are increasing
• I’m the group leader for more than half of our class groupings (matanda na kasi…)

Lessons

• "Practice living out of your comfort zone daily. Don’t let the world stifle your interest"
• Neglect in any area will always need to be addressed, whether it be widows or people groups or academics
• Pray fervently, without ceasing. If you want to see the effects of prayer, cease from doing it, but you will regret that you did.

Things I desire

• Efficiency
• Rest
• Time
• Joy
• Optimism of a divine origin
• Strength from God
• The peace of God that transcends all understanding
• God’s glory

Sa lahat ng nagbabasa ng blog na ‘to: I praise God for every one of you! Mahal ko kayo!

Sa lahat ng nakatapos magbasa nito: bilib ako sa sipag nyo, sana may napulot kayong aral…

            "Worthy is the lamb who was slain, to receive power and wealth and wisdom                 and might and honor and glory and blessing"  -Revelations 5:12

    The other day I had a conversation with my classmates, while waiting for our prof that never arrived. After that, I realized that the word "Christian" has nearly lost its original meaning. Westerners say that the Philippines is the only Christian country in Asia. There’s at least one person in each classroom with Christian as part of his name. Many people say that their religion is Christian. How then do we define such a word?

    Another word came to my mind while trying to answer that question: Vilmanian. In the most extreme sense, Vilmanians, in their most fundamental state, are those who imitate, admire, are fans of, advocate, follow or even to some extent, worship their idol.
Perhaps in a similar manner, Christians are people who imitate, admire, are fans of, advocate, follow, and worship Christ. And what does Christ say to his fans?

"Come follow me, and I will make you fishers of men" -Mark 1:17

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing" - John 15:5

"I am the way, the truth and the life . No one comes to the Father except through me" -John 14:6

"If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself, take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." -Matthew 16:24-25
 

What is a Christian then? He/she is someone who follows Christ, his words, and teachings. He is someone who believes that Christ is who he claims to be, the perfect son of God who died to take away the sins of the world - if only men would obey him as Lord over their lives and consider him as their sole Savior from their sins.

So, are you a Christian?
Being an advocate of other things will last a lifetime
Choosing to follow Christ would determine where you spend eternity.
Choose wisely.

Sa wakas! matapos ang tatlong araw na nawalan kami ng telepono ay may internet nang muli!
As of kahapon, ako ay may sinat, dry cough, clogged and runny nose, at extra sensitivity sa dust. Haay, what a way to start the enrolment.

Nagmamaneho ako nung isang araw, at trapik sa EDSA, sobrang tagal na naming naka tigil sa usad-pagong na daanan. Sa sobrang tagal akala ko mag-ooverrheat na ang makina.  Salamat na olang sa Panginoon at di nangyari ang ganoon. Sa kalagitnaan ng mga pangyayari, ako’y biglang napaisip:

Gusto ko nang sumuko na lang sa pagmamaneho, ngunit hindi ako pwedeng tumigil hangga’t ako’y makauwi.

Ganyan din pala ang buhay Kristiyano, madalas ay gusto mo nang sumuko sa pagtakbo, kaso wala kang magagawa hangga’t kunin ka na ni Lord. Mabagal man o mabilis ang takbo, sige pa rin. Bwal umurong kundi eh mababangga ka. Hindi lang buhay mo ang hawak mo, ngunit maging ang buhay ng mga pasahero mo. Hindi maaring lumingon nang matagal papalayo sa daan, kundi ay kapahamakan ang maidudulot. At higit sa lahat, mas masaya mag maneho pag may kasama ^_^

doraemon thoughts:
nobita: doraemon, meron ka bang gamit yung mapapasagot ko agad si shizuka?
doraemon: meron
nobita: ah, pahiram ako!
doraemon: ayoko nga!
nobita: ah, ang damot mo! bakit naman?
doraemon: kung tunay kang nagmamahal, hihintayin mo sya kahit gano pa katagal.

la lang…

"Hindi kasi sya marunong mag open-up" was a line I heard my brother say a while ago.
//warning: kung sino man yung iniisip nyo na ’sya’ eh mali kayo, trust me… at wala akong pinapatamaan dito, these are but thoughts =)//

We have been dissecting frogs in class for around two weeks now. We have ripped open live, dead, and preserved frogs day after day. Layer after layer of skin, membrane, muscle, organs and blood vessels. Everything is laid bare. We go on as long as there is something underneath, something hidden.

As I remember the image of the frog pinned on four limbs, with its body open as shown above, I remember the word vulnerability.

What does it mean to be vulnerable? In a way, it is putting yourself into the dissecting pan. It is allowing yourself to be pinned down and opened up. To lift up your flaps and see the secrets hidden inside, piercing through layers of skin, muscle, and membrane. Pushing aside the organs (or issues) that cover other organs (major issues).  To be opened up for inspection (hanapin nyo yung kidneys!), ridicule (ay, maduo yung palaka natin!), and praise (anlaki naman ng puso ng palaka nyo!).

Sometimes, we feel sorry for the frog, he/she looks severely humiliated and defenseless. Sometimes, I feel it’s the same for being vulnerable.

Haha, all these thoughts give a new insight on the term "opening up."   

Well, I have to go now, still need to wash the dishes. Thank God for allowing me to finish my bio 11 plates earlier than expected.

   Warning: this article has a tendency to be profound

Lately, I’ve been telling people to pray that I may and will love the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. The Lord has made me realize that there are many things hidden under the rug, many issues to be uncovered and dealt with. I seem to miss the days of "spiritual high." Instances wherein I was more often than not, ready to face the fallen world.
    Maybe I’m trying to do things on my own. I admit that I am frail. The warrior is indeed a child. I think that sometimes, I just go to the battlefield with only my helmet. I’ve been lacking discipline in most, if not all areas of life. Or maybe I’m just sick and tired of inconsistency with respect to time.
     "Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan, nasa taas ka, minsan, nasa baba." True enough, but it seems confusing when the wheel rotates too fast. It makes you dizzy. It’s irritating to think you’ve solved your problem only to find out that you’ve just scratched the surface, and there is another layer behind it.
    As for me, there is only one solution: Continue to trust in the Lord to give you wisdom and perseverance until all the layers has been scratched. Suit up, pick up your sword, get the biggest shield you could find, and endure till the end.

    I’m glad my hope is in Christ, and I know that he will be faithful, until that day that I come to Him face to face, and share in His glory.

"Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one. Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts."
                                                                      -Deuteronomy 6:4-6

I Just came home from State Varsity Christian Fellowship Diliman’s (SVCF-UPD) impromptu retreat, held in Brgy. Kaybagal, Tagaytay City from April 2-4, 2007. It seemed that the venue stuck true to its name. As it was, time there seemed so dragging, and yet the days seem to go by too fast without much activity.

For the most part, we seemed like a group of 11 people taking a year-ender vacation, doing nothing but eating, cooking, talking, and taking pictures. You may ask how what we did qualified to be a retreat, and not a "rest-treat."

The theme was on resting, and so, being true to its theme, we abolished and adjusted most of the schedule, making it flexible and rest-filled. We had a single talk on the theme, and most of the activities were what church people would consider secular, if not neutral.

Well, as for me, I learned a few lessons from the first leg of my nationwide trip:

• A retreat need not be filled with the "heavy stuff" and all those things regarding contemplation
• sometimes you can’t help but be ‘Martha’ instead of being ‘Mary’
• Nakakainsulto pala pag ikaw yung timekeeper tapos nauuna sila magising
• Masarap kumain kapag matatakaw ang mga kasama mo
• masaya magdrive ng sasakyan na di sa iyo sa lugar na di mo kabisado
• Hindi lang pala ako burger monster, suman monster din! (I ate a total of 4 burgers and 6 suman within 4 meals)

Mga kabaliwan ng ESBI:

• Ang "panginoon system of naming"
• Lamierda sessions
• Paano mamick-up sa dry market
• Nagbo-ballroom nang naka-tsinelas sa isang sosyal na bulaluhan (with panginoong sinipa)
• Lite ace-stuffing contest (11 kami sa loob)
• Sleeping in the terrace under hostile cold winds
• formulating new novelty dances (care of panginoong may unan)
• cooking tilapia flambe’ (care of panginoong kaybagal)

and lots of other stuff for you guys to figure out.

———————————————————————–
Quote of the day:
"Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God" -Jim Elliot

I Just came home from State Varsity Christian Fellowship Diliman’s (SVCF-UPD) impromptu retreat, held in Brgy. Kaybagal, Tagaytay City from April 2-4, 2007. It seemed that the venue stuck true to its name. As it was, time there seemed so dragging, and yet the days seem to go by too fast without much activity.

For the most part, we seemed like a group of 11 people taking a year-ender vacation, doing nothing but eating, cooking, talking, and taking pictures. You may ask how what we did qualified to be a retreat, and not a "rest-treat."

The theme was on resting, and so, being true to its theme, we abolished and adjusted most of the schedule, making it flexible and rest-filled. We had a single talk on the theme, and most of the activities were what church people would consider secular, if not neutral.

Well, as for me, I learned a few lessons from the first leg of my nationwide trip:

• A retreat need not be filled with the "heavy stuff" and all those things regarding contemplation
• sometimes you can’t help but be ‘Martha’ instead of being ‘Mary’
• Nakakainsulto pala pag ikaw yung timekeeper tapos nauuna sila magising
• Masarap kumain kapag matatakaw ang mga kasama mo
• masaya magdrive ng sasakyan na di sa iyo sa lugar na di mo kabisado
• Hindi lang pala ako burger monster, suman monster din! (I ate a total of 4 burgers and 6 suman within 4 meals)

Mga kabaliwan ng ESBI:

• Ang "panginoon system of naming"
• Lamierda sessions
• Paano mamick-up sa dry market
• Nagbo-ballroom nang naka-tsinelas sa isang sosyal na bulaluhan (with panginoong sinipa)
• Lite ace-stuffing contest (11 kami sa loob)
• Sleeping in the terrace under hostile cold winds
• formulating new novelty dances (care of panginoong may unan)
• cooking tilapia flambe’ (care of panginoong kaybagal)

and lots of other stuff for you guys to figure out.

———————————————————————–
Quote of the day:
"Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God" -Jim Elliot

I finally had my much awaited spiritual retreat this afternoon. But wait before that, I must define some terms. A SPIRITUAL RETREAT is time spent alone with God. It is similar in many ways to the spiritual discipline of quiet time, in a much larger and more solitary scale. To retreat means to withdraw, to snatch one’s self from the clutches of everyday activity, to set apart a time and place for uninterrupted prayer, reflection, journaling, Bible reading, and realignment .

I left home after lunch, bringing neither wallet nor cellphone. I turned my phone off, just to be sure. And so, armed with but a watch, alcohol, a sarong, Bible, journal, and a ballpen, I marched towards the UP Lagoon (or Parke ng Kalayaan). I wanted to go to the spot with the fallen tree, however, the grass cutters nearby  made it impossible for me to ‘feel alone.’ So, I was left to a spot just 10 meters away from the small cement sign which bears the dedication for the lagoon.

As I settled down, I found myself singing the song "I offer my life", one of my favorite songs that I find hard to sing because of the commitment it entails.

(Verse 1)
All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you, oh Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I’m making them yours

(Chorus)
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I’ve been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

(Verse 2)
Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my heart, alll of my praise
My heart and my hands are lifted to you

(Chorus)
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I’ve been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

(Bridge)
What can we give
That you have not given?
And what do we have
That is not already yours?
All we possess
Are these lives we’re living
That’s what we give to you, Lord

(Chorus)
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I’ve been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

(Chorus)
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I’ve been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life
Lord I offer you my life

*ambigat diba?

After that, I read a few Psalms, and then started writing things in my journal, listing down the things (and people) I am thankful for, and the things I would like to change. Then came the hard questions, especially the crossroads that await me after graduation. In the end, I had to make sure that my priorities were set, and committed everything I wrote down to God, that I may be accountable for the things I wrote.

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My original plan was to go home right after my spiritual retreat, yet about 40 minutes after, I found myself playing frisbee for the first time, until the sun decided to say goodbye, taking my energy along with it.

Still after that, I had a short chat with people form the fellowship, walked, ate isaw, walked some more, chatted some more, and walked home some more until I reached home.

All in all, I found multi-faceted rest, even while running around and catching a white disc with bare hands (one of our playmates told us it’s good practice if ever we get married to someone who like to throw porcelain plater around the house). Rest after all, is the absence of creative work and pressure.

    Lately I’ve been waking up every day at around 5:45+ 30 minutes. That’s regardless of whether or not I set up my alarm or if I slept at 12am or 2am. Last night, I slept at around 2am, and yet woke up at the same time.

Maybe God is reminding about my commitment to wake early in the morning to spend time with Him, just like Jesus did (Mark 1:35-39). Maybe it’s because i promised that at the moment I wake up, I’ll spend my very first moments talking to God and reading His words. However, sometimes I seem to desire sleep more than I do time with God. I argue that it is a basic need, yet how about fasting?  Is it not also denying yourself of a basic need?

  Well, I’m not exactly advocating a "sleep fast", though I did try it once. It’s just that, "sinisingil ata ako ni Lord sa mga pangakong sinulat ko sa aking journal, at may pirma ko pa…"

  Be careful what you promise, God may hold you accountable to the things that you say…