Opportunity and Change

I finally had my much awaited spiritual retreat this afternoon. But wait before that, I must define some terms. A SPIRITUAL RETREAT is time spent alone with God. It is similar in many ways to the spiritual discipline of quiet time, in a much larger and more solitary scale. To retreat means to withdraw, to snatch one’s self from the clutches of everyday activity, to set apart a time and place for uninterrupted prayer, reflection, journaling, Bible reading, and realignment .

I left home after lunch, bringing neither wallet nor cellphone. I turned my phone off, just to be sure. And so, armed with but a watch, alcohol, a sarong, Bible, journal, and a ballpen, I marched towards the UP Lagoon (or Parke ng Kalayaan). I wanted to go to the spot with the fallen tree, however, the grass cutters nearby  made it impossible for me to ‘feel alone.’ So, I was left to a spot just 10 meters away from the small cement sign which bears the dedication for the lagoon.

As I settled down, I found myself singing the song "I offer my life", one of my favorite songs that I find hard to sing because of the commitment it entails.

(Verse 1)
All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you, oh Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I’m making them yours

(Chorus)
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I’ve been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

(Verse 2)
Things in the past, things yet unseen
Wishes and dreams that are yet to come true
All of my heart, alll of my praise
My heart and my hands are lifted to you

(Chorus)
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I’ve been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

(Bridge)
What can we give
That you have not given?
And what do we have
That is not already yours?
All we possess
Are these lives we’re living
That’s what we give to you, Lord

(Chorus)
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I’ve been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

(Chorus)
Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I’ve been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life
Lord I offer you my life

*ambigat diba?

After that, I read a few Psalms, and then started writing things in my journal, listing down the things (and people) I am thankful for, and the things I would like to change. Then came the hard questions, especially the crossroads that await me after graduation. In the end, I had to make sure that my priorities were set, and committed everything I wrote down to God, that I may be accountable for the things I wrote.

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My original plan was to go home right after my spiritual retreat, yet about 40 minutes after, I found myself playing frisbee for the first time, until the sun decided to say goodbye, taking my energy along with it.

Still after that, I had a short chat with people form the fellowship, walked, ate isaw, walked some more, chatted some more, and walked home some more until I reached home.

All in all, I found multi-faceted rest, even while running around and catching a white disc with bare hands (one of our playmates told us it’s good practice if ever we get married to someone who like to throw porcelain plater around the house). Rest after all, is the absence of creative work and pressure.

I’m in dire need of a spiritual retreat. I’ve been planning one since three weeks ago, but I think I need to finish all my group works first… Just hope I don’t go ‘boom’ before that happens…

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"God will make a way…"

    Lately I’ve been waking up every day at around 5:45+ 30 minutes. That’s regardless of whether or not I set up my alarm or if I slept at 12am or 2am. Last night, I slept at around 2am, and yet woke up at the same time.

Maybe God is reminding about my commitment to wake early in the morning to spend time with Him, just like Jesus did (Mark 1:35-39). Maybe it’s because i promised that at the moment I wake up, I’ll spend my very first moments talking to God and reading His words. However, sometimes I seem to desire sleep more than I do time with God. I argue that it is a basic need, yet how about fasting?  Is it not also denying yourself of a basic need?

  Well, I’m not exactly advocating a "sleep fast", though I did try it once. It’s just that, "sinisingil ata ako ni Lord sa mga pangakong sinulat ko sa aking journal, at may pirma ko pa…"

  Be careful what you promise, God may hold you accountable to the things that you say…

    Gears. Last week, I felt the pressure of the gears crushing me (see the post below for the context). I made time for something that was not on my schedule, and so, the result was missing my 1st class last Friday.
    I thought that there would be no escaping these gears until the classes end. Little did I know that there is a power that encompasses my carefully-planned, no-room-for-error schedules. And that my dear readers, is Grace. Though out of context, the words of Christ, "my grace is sufficient for you" (2 Cor.12:9) never sounded so powerful to me until now. I realized that it’s better to fit myself into God’s schedule rather than fit God into mine. The former is humility, while the latter is futility.
    So, what are the results of finally surrendering your schedule to God?
 

• I found rest in all aspects (spiritual, physical, mental, etc.)
• The pressure became bearable, not anymore am I chasing after time and ticking off things from a list of things to finish
• I was able to enjoy our laboratory excercise. Smelling flavors and tasting heated aspartame solutions
• I was able to talk to people whose experiences taught me lessons, some of them I don’t get to see or talk to that often. Some of them I was able to help:      

1. A friend who’s having a temper problem
2. A friend who wants to be a missionary
3. A friend looking for a place to stay 
4. A friend who wants her relationships to glorify God                                     

• I was able to finally understand the notes I was reading for my report
• I was able to spend more quality time with God
• I was able to watch a beautiful movie with a very beautiful companion ^_^

    Grace. Undeserved favor. Given freely. All these, from Christ. The Son of God. My Lord. My Savior. My All…

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Thought for the day:
Just because God answers (or gives you what you asked for) your prayer doesn’t mean that it is his perfect (or commanded) will -Kuya Zaldy

    Kaninang 2am pa ko gising. 5:28am na ngayon. Nagsusulat ako kahapon ng mga bagay na dapat gawin sa aking planner. Tinignan ko nang mabuti ang hanay ng linggong ito, mula lunes hanggag linggo. Aba, matakin mo yun, wala nang lugar sa bawa’t kahon, napuno na ng mga dapat gawin.
     Bigla kong naalala ang loob ng mga clock tower kung saan madalas kalabanin ni batman ang mga masasamang loob. Walang puwang sa pagitan ng mga gears, kung sino o anuman ang malgay sa pagitan ay siguradong patay o pisat. Parang ganun din ang schedule ko, parang ticking gears.
    Walang nang maisisingit, di pwedeng magkamali ng tantya. Mga papeles, pag-uulat, talumpati, pagtuturo, pagsusulit, mahabang pag-uusap at mga trabahong dapat tapusin. Tulog lang ang pwedeng bawasan, walang oras huminga, subalit, may oras pa rin para sa Kanya. Oras na basahin ang Kanyang salita, at makipag-usap nang masinsinan.

     Parang gears… Di pwede dagdagan, di pwede bawasan, liban na lang kung ninanais mong gumuho ang orasan, at isama dito ang bangkay ni batman…

    *haay, 5:40am na, kailangan ko na itong tapusin, bago ako mapisat. Oras na para pag-aralan ang Staphylococcus Aureus at kung bakit hindi ito tumubo sa ground beef na luto.

Ang Panginoon ang aking kalakasan, sana’y kayo rin ay sa Kanya magtiwala, sigurado, di kayo mapapahiya….

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Thoughts to ponder, agree or disagree about:
"It’s not what people do to us that hurts us. In the most fundamental sense, it is our chosen response to what they do to us that hurts us" -Stephen R Covey
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